Sweating out summer...

It may come as a surprise to some, but I don’t like summer, not the heat, not the long hot days, none of it. It’s been like that since I graduated from childhood into the real world where most people I knew had to work instead of playing, napping, or just hanging out. Adulthood—Hmph, who needs it!

I’ve never been one to enjoy profuse sweating. The Finnish invention of saunas is really beyond me. The idea of anyone voluntarily sitting in a hot room (either solo or socially) for an extended period of time for enjoyment strikes me as both comical and masochistic. In fact, I can’t even get into my black SUV in the summer without letting down four windows, turning on the air conditioner, and removing most of my clothing.

That last part of the ritual has caused more than a little consternation from both passersby and the neighbors.

I’m not saying that there’s nothing good about summer. There’s nothing I love more than spending a sweltering afternoon standing in a long line at the movies with out-of-school pubescent ticket sellers, teenage movie goers, and sweltering Goths who obviously are immune to the temperatures, what with their dark makeup, long sleeved black garments and brooding dispositions. And lord knows, I feel so safe at night as packs of untamed, under supervised, unschooled adolescents wander the neighborhood seeking to do nothing but good deeds to residents’ cars, lawns and garden gnomes.

I get excited in September and October as I eagerly anticipate the arrival of that first cold front of the season. There’s a tingle that goes up my spine as I step outside my front door on the morning after the temperature has dropped about fifteen or twenty degrees. I smile to myself as I consider the prospect of attending a fall football game with a swift north wind blowing through the stadium. And it pleases me to consider what sweater will go with my chinos as I head off on an adult date while the teenagers have to stay home and study for all those glorious quizzes and tests.

Yes, I wear chinos. Get over it.